FmyLife

Shit happens.

Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML

可怜的nick2.0（男）："今天我雇佣了一个私家侦探去调查我那结婚15年的老婆，因为我怀疑她与我弟弟有染。我不知道事实是不是更糟，她的确与人有染，那个第三者不是我弟弟，而是我弟弟的老婆。"

Today my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML
可怜的Somessedup（女）："今天我老板借用我的手机，说公司会支付电话费。几个小时后这位老板把我喊进办公室，把我解雇了。显然，公司检查通话纪录时发现我的手机拨打了色情专线。我的老板用我的手机打色情电话，又解雇了我。"

Today, I applied for a passport. I was told the first set of photos I took were unusable because my face, particularly my chin, didn't fit inside the designated area for your face in the picture. My chin did fit in the frame, my double chin however, did not. FML
可怜的无名氏（女）："今天我去申请护照，那人说我提交的照片不能用，因为我的脸太大，尤其是下巴部分，不能完全显示在指定的框框内。我得说，那个框框确实可以装下我的下巴，只是装不了我的双下巴。"

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me. Two weeks ago she complained that I didn't act like I really loved her. I then became more involved and caring just for her to show my love. The reason she broke up with me? Because I was "suffocating her with clinginess." FML
可怜的clingmaster（男）："今天交往一年多的女朋友跟我分手了。两周前她抱怨说我的行动不能证明我真的爱她，于是我开始大献殷勤，无时不刻地表达爱意。想知道分手的原因？我'粘得让她透不过气'。"

Today, I decided to go get my hair cut because it was getting a bit long. I told the lady that I wanted it way short and she replied "Why? You will look like a guy sweetie." I am a guy. FML
可怜的theboywithlonghair（男）："今天我决定去剪头发，实在是太长了。当我告诉女理发师让她减得尽量短时，她说：'为什么？那样可会让你看起来像个男孩子哦，小甜心。'我是个男孩子。"

Today, I spent all day at the hospital with my grandma for some tests. When I drove her back home she decided to thank me with $50. Knowing she is unemployed, I told her I couldn't take a whole $50. She replied with "Ungrateful, just like your mother", then took the money and left. FML
可怜的无名氏："今天我花了一整天陪奶奶在医院做检查，完了我开车送她回家，她就递给我50块钱表示感谢。考虑到她并没有什么收入，我就拒绝了。结果她来了句'真不领情啊，跟你妈一个样'，然后拿了钱就走。"

Today, when I was finished eating at McDonalds, I went to Shoppers to pick up a new toothbrush. I got back to my car only to find the windows smashed in. The only thing that was missing from my car was the Hello Kitty toy I got from McDonalds. Someone broke into my car for a 10 cent toy. FML
可怜的effmylife:"今天我在麦当劳吃完，又返回店里拿了个牙刷。我回到车边时发现车窗被敲碎了，而只丢了一样东西――从麦当劳拿到的Hello Kitty玩偶。那家伙砸了我的车窗，就为了个10分钱的玩偶。"

Today, my dad informed me my laptop was stolen. I was confused that the thief didn't take his laptop but didn't pursue the matter. I then saw him selling my laptop at the market. He came home with a new phone. FML
可怜的drummer_dude："今天老爸说我的笔记本被盗了，我有点奇怪为啥小偷就没拿他的笔记本，但并没有深究。后来我看见他卖掉了我的笔记本，带着一台新手机回家了。"